Thinking about my recent post about being ok has brought a new awareness of what I have based my feelings of being ok on in the past and today.
I’ve realised my opinion of being ok is based so heavily on external events and on the opinions I assume others have of me, including:
- Reliving all I ate during the day and judging myself ok (or not ok as mostly is the case) depending on what and how much I have eaten
- Judging my value and worth on what I’ve accomplished
- Dramatising situations (i.e. if I do one thing wrong, I am wrong)
- I’m only ok when I get a positive response from someone who doesn’t have to like/love me (people in power, managers, those I don’t know so well)
- Chasing friendships in the past, regardless of feeling a connection, because I only feel ok if other people make me feel like I’m ok and worth having as a friend
Gah! I feel such shame in sharing these thoughts with you, dear reader, especially as I don’t know how you will feel about me when you see how twisted and shallow these things are and how some of them are quite manipulative, despite not having done them consciously.
You know what though, sharing them with you also brings freedom as I see how ridiculous these measures are, how unfair I am on myself and how they are unfair to other people too. I mean, geez, who would want a friend who was only with them for the affirmation?!?
So, I’ve thought up some other questions I want to ask to judge whether I’m ‘ok’ until I’m hopefully able to get to a place where I consider myself ok regardless of what I do:
- Have I nourished myself with most of the things I’ve eaten today? (think vitamins, veggies, food I love, food that feeds my soul)
- Have I spent at least a few moments doing things that make me glow? (dancing, deep breathing, meditation, reading, drawing, hula hooping, cuddling, talking to close friends and family)
- Have I spent a moment being grateful today for all I am and all I have?
- Have I acknowledged my emotions and been real with someone at least once today?
- Can I learn lessons from the experiences I’ve had that may not have gone perfectly and can I develop and grow because of them?
These questions make me feel really excited and I think I’ll be able to turn to them when I get all judgy with myself to change my internal dialogue and what I base ‘being ok’ on. They are light and lovely, challenging and nurturing. They are what I want more of in my life.
I hope if any of you have related to what I’ve written in my last post, you might be able to use these questions, and perhaps comment on what other questions might be useful for you or me!
Happy Sunday everyone!