blogging, eating disorder, Fear, recovery, self-discovery

I could fall

It has been great to share my struggles and journey to ‘normal’ eating here with you, lovely friend, but it has also come at a price if I’m honest. Publicly sharing my journey of comfort eating means that if I fall, I will have a heightened sense of disappointment, shame and guilt.

In fact, when I shared my victory online from a recent weekend where I didn’t overeat, I was suddenly overwhelmed with an urge to eat and I knew the feeling wasn’t coming from hunger. I was trying to push down my panic with food.

So I felt the panic, let myself acknowledge that I was not ok and it passed as it always does. Later that day I was thinking about this incident and was reminded of a recent conversation with my life coach, Claire Obeid. I was speaking to her about an area in my life where I want to make changes and I shared that I was feeling slightly low about it, almost expecting to fail before I’d even started.

She challenged me about this, pointing out I was more likely to fail by focusing on the negative instead of the positive – what might happen for the better.

So now I also challenge myself about how I think about eating. Yes, I could fall, but I could also rise to such wonderful heights of success and, in the process, support others who have battled with the same issues as me.

You see, I really agree with what Claire spoke to me about – I believe that where we put our attention is where we are likely to end up. So if I’m focusing on failing, I’m more likely to do so. It’s like Ernest Holmes said:

quote-where-the-mind-goes-energy-flows-ernest-holmes-89-86-99

So where does this leave me? Being nervous about my eating but wanting to focus my mind and heart on the limitless possibilities of eating healthily?

Well, I’ve committed to writing a page or two in my journal each day from the viewpoint of living a life free from any compulsion to eat away my feelings.

I’ve done this for just over a month now and it has been astounding. Writing as if I’m living in freedom has resulted in actually living in freedom – I mean, just over a month ago I couldn’t even imagine going out without an emergency bar of chocolate on me…and I’ve been comfort-eating-free for over a month!!!!

Every time I write my daily page, I feel so much more positive and ready to continue this journey into well-being. I want to share an extract with you, dear friend, to show the impact it is having on my life and how this writing is helping me to bring my dreams to life:

Not carrying this burden of over eating means I have so much more energy to throw into other areas of my life. More time to do things that make me glow, more chances to bring abundance into my life, more honesty with myself. It’s helping me to love myself – not denying how I’m feeling, but just knowing I accept and love all of myself. I’m grateful for my life, this experience and my freedom. I live in courage, truth and love.

If any of you are feeling a bit shaky about an area of your life, fearing you might fall, I really recommend taking a few minutes to feel your fear, breathe and let the emotion go, and then write a new ending for yourself where you step into the life you truly want.

Who knows, it might bring you that much closer to it becoming a reality.

2 thoughts on “I could fall”

  1. Hi Amy

    I’ve been wanting to comment for ages on your blogs and so here I am!

    This is a blog that I’ve been reflecting on since you posted it and I wanted to thank you for sharing. I don’t share this widely, but I had an eating disorder when I was younger and your honestly about your journey with food has been one I could relate to…

    I hope things are continuing to go well – I sense they are and will carry on doing so!

    You’re an inspirational, open and honest woman Amy…

    Thank you ~ Tina x

    Like

  2. Thank you so much for your comment and encouragement Tina! It’s glad my post was one you could relate to and thank you for sharing a bit about you – makes me feel less alone in it all. Hope you’re doing well with your (not so) little one xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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