blogging, eating disorder, Love, recovery, self-discovery, truth, Wellbeing

Coming undone

I’ve struggled over the past few days; I’m not going to lie. Life is a bit tricky at the moment, although not for any reason. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful for not having anything wrong in particular but it does make things a bit harder to rectify than if I could pinpoint a particular issue and work on resolving it. I suppose, like we all do from time to time, I have been feeling a bit low and a bit lost, a bit overwhelmed and a bit frustrated with life.

I sat this morning writing in my manifestation journal (where I write about the life I want as if it’s currently taking place to call it into being), and I felt a whisper inside me, a voice saying

‘I’m coming undone’.

Instead of balking at this truth, feeling that I was in trouble or at a point of crisis, I realised this is what I needed at my core – to come undone.

To remove all the ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’. To stop pretending to be flawless, rigid perfection. To admit to myself and to you, dear friend, that I needed to remove my mask and admit I was struggling.

For to be human is difficult and only gets harder when I conceal the truth. The truth that it’s hard to accept and be happy with myself, just as I am. The truth that it’s hard to follow my own voice and wisdom after so long of listening to the voice and wisdom of others as my guiding beacon. The truth that, surprise surprise, I’m not perfect.

Owning up to myself that I was coming undone drew me to share the reality of my moment with a friend and suddenly the pressure lifted from my heart, the voices calling me to eat quietened and I felt at peace.

Coming undone is what I needed.

5 thoughts on “Coming undone”

  1. This is such an accurate description of what I myself have felt and still feel from time to time. I guess we share more in common than our love for nut pain 🙂

    You’re a wonderfully beautiful and courageous person, Amy. Thanks for sharing.

    Like

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