I listened to a brilliant podcast with Liz Gilbert & Rob Bell a few nights ago and some threads of their conversation deeply resonated in my heart. I was in awe of their wisdom and so want to unpack it a bit…
One of the things I want to explore with you, dear friend, is what Rob said about celebrating each and every step forward we make in our lives. It’s sort of linked back to the post I wrote about celebrating my beauty instead of focusing so heavily on the things I don’t like about myself.
I know for some of you, celebrating the small stuff is a given – something that comes naturally to you. For me, it’s something I have to intentionally do. It doesn’t come easily.
You see, I live a life that tends to be black or white, right or wrong, deeply joyful or cripplingly sad…and this can lead to a lack of balance and soooooooo much self-judgment.
It also means I am driven, generally produce good results and have a really strong moral compass (so there is some good in this way of being!) but it doesn’t always serve me well. I mean, I can do one thing wrong and berate myself the whole day for being the worst person in the world or eat one biscuit too many and think ‘you’ve failed, you might as well eat the whole box’. It’s something I want to change if I can, or at least temper slightly.
On his podcast, Rob Bell talked about the difficulty he had forgiving someone who had betrayed him and the struggle it was to not feel blind anger every moment he thought of this person. For Rob, it was crucial to celebrate the tiny steps of progress he made on this journey to forgiveness for they were actually huge leaps forward. He talked about celebrating a moment where he could muster a tiny bit of compassion for that person, acknowledging the huge step it was to have a second thinking of them as a the parent, a friend, a husband instead of thinking of them as a betrayer.
He said celebrating the little steps is how he’s able to progress on his journey towards forgiveness. I agree with him – there is such power in celebrating the small steps.
I could relate so deeply to the struggle he has forgiving that person, not because I’m fighting with forgiveness but because I struggle so deeply with feelings of unworthiness. I long to live a life where I put myself first, feeling truly worthy of being a priority in my own life. It’s hard to even share these feelings with you, dear one, as I fear you will agree with my own voice of judgement, telling me just how unworthy I am of love.
But I know deep in my heart that I want to be a priority in my life, I want to live a wholehearted life that Brene Brown describes so eloquently as being:
“Worthy now. Not if. Not when. Living a wholehearted life is about knowing we are worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is. There are no prerequisites to “I am enough”.
I want to feel that – feel worthy of being a priority and loving myself as much, if not more, than I prioritise and love others.
Knowing that this is my true desire, I am certain of this: I need to celebrate the small steps I’m taking on this journey
So I want to celebrate the one little step forward I made today at work – in a situation at work, was assertive and stood up for myself. I didn’t back away as I might have in the past. Ok, I didn’t handle the situation with as much grace as I could have but I’m proud that I stepped up. I showed up. I put myself first.
I know this experience – this small step – was actually a huge leap on my journey.
I want to celebrate it, take a moment to drink it in, acknowledge what a big thing this little step was for me.
I want to continue celebrating the small steps.