Something seems to be off with me recently…feeling angsty, tired, full of emotions, jarring…and my ego voice (the one that tells me how terrible I am, compares me to other people) has been louder than usual.
It’s not just me, I’ve spoken to some other friends who are going through similar experiences. Have any of you? Maybe it’s something in the water.
So I sat down after work and, instead of going into the kitchen to cook things out, I pulled two cards from the chakra oracle cards I love. I usually pull just one but instinctively felt that one wasn’t enough today.
And the cards I chose, well, they just floored me. So I wanted to capture this experience and share it with you, dear friend.
The first one was the soulmate card:
It’s time for him to leave her again – to use the script he always does at this point. He even knows her next line. She will say “how could you do this to me?” But unexpectedly she says “I love you”. The words of the script die on his tongue. He struggles to get them out. Just a few words and he will be free – but they won’t come. Suddenly he clasps her to him. He loves her. This is the true freedom he sought.
I’ve been trying to shut down my ego voice over the past weeks to find peace. Wanting to lock her away and silence her voice.
I see now that all she wants is validation. All she needs is love. All she’s looking for is to feel safe and secure.
And when I let myself feel her yearning for love – my yearning for love – I relax this inner fight. I feel something in me soften and I give myself the love I so desperately desire.
The second card was facade:
The bronze boy, Darnel, was young when his father died and he became the man of the family. Out for a walk one day many years later, he was mesmerised by the sight of children playing. As a child he had never played and he hid behind a tree, crying bitterly, then quickly buried his emotions. At the very end of his life, on his way to heaven, he stopped at the park and finally reclaimed his inner child he had left behind many years before.
This card made me feel that this is not who I am – this ego voice who I have followed. Adhering to so many rules to stay safe – they wouldn’t love you if they really knew you, you should be the listener, do things for other people or they won’t like you, follow the rules or something bad will happen.
I see this voice has become so strong to protect me from being crushed by this world that can be so scary, unpredictable and cold. But really I am that child, who wants to play and laugh and approach things with open curiosity. The Amy wrapped up in worrying and tensing and projecting an ‘I’m ok’ veneer to the world isn’t the real me. I can let this mask fall. I can join hands with my inner child and shower her with love and affection and let her know that she is safe.
I’m so glad I paused, and sat in quiet contemplation and chose some cards, because there is such truth in the messages I received from them.