Some of you may be aware that when I was younger, and until my mid twenties, I battled with eating disorders. Anorexia, then bulimia (although my way of purging wasn’t through throwing up – I’d manically exercise to purge myself from the compulsive overeating). Although my life is a lot more balanced, I still struggle with eating issues from time to time, through comfort eating.
I get so frustrated when these occasions of comfort eating take place because it’s an insane loop I go through of eating healthily most of the day and then turning to food out of boredom, sadness, self-judgement, loneliness, to push down guilt. Whatever it is, I get stuck in this cycle (and have written about it before) until finally something throws me out of this loop and I find different ways for a while to cope with these emotions for a while.
The thing I’ve come to realise is, whilst my eating might not be 100% ‘normal’, the reason I comfort eat is valid. My experience is my experience – there’s no bar to reach of validity and no comparison for what I should or should not feel.
And while this doesn’t deal with the eating, it makes me pay attention to what is really, truly important – my emotions and my experience. The boredom, sadness, self-judgement, loneliness, guilt…a rainbow of emotions I’m pushing down that just needs to be expressed.
And that’s what’s really important.