I believe in being honest about what’s not going so well in life but I also believe it’s important to foster gratitude and hope for what is great. My recent blog posts have been so very helpful in acknowledging the crunchy, tricky, uncomfortable feelings I’ve had but now I find the pendulum swinging back the other way with a yearning to write about what is good, what has gone well, what I’m hopeful for.
So here I go!
One of my core desires, the thing I find myself searching for in my life, is to increase my sense of importance. This isn’t to plump up an already overinflated ego, but instead is the search for certainty that what I have to share is as important as anyone else. A rebalancing of the chatter in my head that tells me I’ve got nothing to offer, that my views aren’t valid, that I don’t deserve to be heard…and you know what? My new job gives me exactly that. It is AWESOME!!! I’m able to share my opinions, contribute to meetings and put forward ideas that are set into motion. It makes me feel so good.
I know I’ve said that I don’t like yoga – that I instead find balance in other ways (writing, meditating, time alone). But I’m taking that back because I’ve found a yoga practice that I LOVE! It was a strange thing that led me to yoga initially – I’m part of an online 20s-30s social group for women and, to try to meet like-minded people, I signed myself up for a yoga class they were putting on. When I was walking to the event, I said to myself “why did I choose to do a yoga class?! I hate yoga!” and I have to admit, I almost contemplated not showing up.
But I went.
And it was so lovely. In a class of only five people, the movements were slow and the teacher guided us to breathe deeply from our bellies as we moved from one posture to the next. I felt myself slow down in my thinking, breathing and in my body during that one hour. I’ve been back every week since and now it’s a part of my life I wouldn’t want to do without. I’m so grateful for Sun Power Yoga.
Last year I had a flight mishap (when don’t I have flight issues?!) where I missed a flight back from Vancouver, bought another ticket for a plane which had to be grounded in Iceland for repairs…and I got £1400 in flight compensation. And with this money, I’ve just booked airplane tickets for a 2 week holiday in Hawaii with my husband!!!! I can’t wait to explore, relax and see a bit more of this beautiful world. I feel awkward sharing this great news with you, dear one, because I know friends who deeply deserve to get away on holiday and aren’t able to because of caring responsibilities or lack of money. I feel too lucky, like I’m undeserving of this good fortune and am almost waiting for the bubble of happiness to burst. But I want to believe that I’m worthy of good things…and so I’m sharing this with you. I’m going to Hawaii and I deserve to be happy.
I don’t want to jinx the good things going on in my life at the moment…but I feel a small shift in how I view my body of late. It’s not that I’ve suddenly got super skinny…it’s that I find I’m not putting as much judgement on myself for looking the way I do. It’s not my top priority.
- When I look critically at my body in the mirror, I’m more often than not able to say ‘this is not all I am‘ and show myself love.
- When I see a bit of a wobble on my tummy or am able to pinch a bit more of flesh on my sides than I would ideally like, I can see that it’s just flesh and not a reflection of how valid or worthy I am as a person.
- When I’ve eaten too much and my mind runs to the exercise I am going to do tomorrow to compensate, I tell myself to wait until tomorrow to decide what I want to do.
I walk about 10,000 steps per day, I do yoga once a week…and that’s enough for me. I want to be active, I want to be healthy, I want to allow myself treats…and I’m finding myself able to live in a space of greater body kindness. Something I could have never contemplated a few years ago.
There are so many more things I could share with you…writing this post has opened me up to the realisation of how much good there is in my life. It feels so lovely to celebrate and share it with you and I hope it has made you pause to contemplate all that is good in your life.