blogging, self-discovery, trust, Wellbeing

I know what I need

Happy Sunday lovely! This week is the first one in well over a year that saw me not post a blog on a Saturday. Despite holidays, sickness and studies, I’ve managed to keep up my routine of publishing a post every Saturday and it has been really helpful to make sure I set aside time to write…but this week my Saturday writing session didn’t feel helpful. It felt legalistic – “I must publish a blog” – and so I let the day slip by.

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Highdown Gardens

I slept in, went on a day trip with my dad to see some lovely gardens, had a long afternoon nap, read a good book and went to a Bajan restaurant in the evening. There wasn’t a reason for not writing a post apart from the fact that it didn’t feel right to force it, it didn’t seem kind to force it. And so I didn’t.

It’s not just my writing that has not felt right over the past week. So have some of my self-care routines that have slipped from my life over the past few months. These practices of meditating and journaling daily have started to feel more like obligations instead of being tools that bring kindness, self-love and joy to my life.

As I write this I’m taken back to one of the very first posts that I wrote on Courage Truth Love that spoke about how I wanted to feel. And I suppose all these things I’ve mentioned above – meditation, journalling, blog writing – all linked into how I wanted to feel at that time. Gutsy, glowing, grounded. These practices made me feel grounded when I felt so tossed around by life, like a ship sailing through a storm.

But things have changed. I’ve changed and I don’t feel such a great need to ground myself anymore. Sure, there are times where I have to breathe deeply because I feel a panic inside me from external pressure. But I’ve gotten to a place of feeling more grounded through putting people pleasing on the back burner, speaking my truth and asking for what I need in life.

And so perhaps these routines of meditation and journalling haven’t kept up with how I now want to feel in life – rested and inspired – and that’s why I’ve been feeling a bit lack-lustre with these practices that I used to really love. So maybe I need to find new practices that allow me to feel how I want to feel. Time curled up with a good book, reading blogs or finding new meditations that inspire me, more relaxing yoga classes to bring relaxation to my life…and the list could go on of things that will make me feel how I want to feel.

Just pausing and reflecting on these things with you, dear one, and giving myself a bit of space to think about what I need brings me comfort. It helps me to realise that I know what I need. Whether that’s putting off my writing for a day, letting go of old practices, or asking in the moment ‘what do I need?’ and acting on what comes to mind. I can trust myself and be confident that I know exactly what I need.

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