This is my third post in less than a week…I just feel like I have so much to share with you, dear friend. I suppose it could be that important things have taken place recently or that I’ve started to find my voice and I’m overflowing with thoughts, dreams, ideas and opinions.
It feels so good to have courage, truth, love as a place to share all my musings and I want to thank you so much for joining me on my journey.
I’ve just come back from my second weekend of studies on transformational coaching and my mind is buzzing from everything that I’ve learnt during this past weekend. My biggest break through of the weekend gives me such hope and excitement of what is to come in my future…and I want to tell you all about it!
I was in a 1:1 session with another coach. We were going through a coaching model that explores negative automatic thoughts (those little niggling thoughts that dampen your spirit, you know, like ‘I’m not good at promoting myself’ ‘I’m such a failure’ ‘I’m a bad sister’).
For those of you who aren’t aware of the essence of coaching, it’s knowing that everyone has everything inside themselves to succeed and they just sometimes need someone to help them draw the answers out and to notice unhelpful patterns of behaviour. But in this practice session, the lady coaching me started to put her own opinions forward, her slant on what I was going through, and I found myself starting to tense up and feel agitated. I felt this way because some of what she was saying was true (and it was uncomfortable to see myself being judged by her) but mostly what she was saying wasn’t true at all. So I felt misheard and frustrated.
I’m not saying this to call her out. She was learning, I was learning. And the point of these sessions is so we can grow in confidence in how we want to use the tools and techniques on our own coachees. But I felt that I came to a crossroads in that moment with her…I could either bury my thoughts and feelings inside me, as I’ve done so many times before, or I could speak up for myself.
So I paused, I breathed deeply, I reflected silently on what was going on for me. And then I said “do you mind if I share something with you?”
After she gave her consent to listen to me, I explained “it’s unhelpful to have you sharing your thoughts about my situation.” She thanked me for sharing, took on board the feedback and continued the session in a way that was much more aligned to what I needed.
This interaction took place over 30 seconds but it was so much more than that.
So much bigger than that.
In that moment I had expressed my needs in a way that was aligned to my values. I was polite, I asked permission to share my thoughts and then I cut right to what I needed to say without apologising or back tracking or justifying myself.
It showed me that my negative automatic thought of ‘I can’t do confrontation’ is wrong. I can be confrontational and direct and assertive.
I just hadn’t found a way to do it before in a way that was aligned to my values of respect, love and support.
But now I have.
And I feel that this can serve me in the future. I can use this model going forward of seeking permission to share my thoughts, waiting for that permission to be granted and then sharing what I want to see changed/what I need to say without apology.
I’ve found my voice and it feels so good!
Want to see your life transformed? Why not book in a free 30 minute session with me to explore what coaching could do for you? For more information, look on my coaching information page