Neediness

I asked my husband a while ago how I’ve been during my pregnancy. I’ve felt myself be needy; leaning more on him for support (both physical and emotional) and have felt uncomfortable about this at times. Because I’m used to being strong, being self-contained, able to stand on my own two feet without needing anything from anyone.

To be honest, I was surprised by his response. He said he preferred me pregnant with all the neediness I’ve displayed.

I’ve been digesting what this means for me now and what this could mean going forwards.

From my head to my heart

I’ve been thinking about my recent blog post where I acknowledged that I needed to reach out more and ask for help and support from others in order to show my soon-to-be-born son that it’s ok to need the support and care of other people.

When I wrote this post, I knew in my head that this was what I needed to do, but it hadn’t reached my heart and hadn’t really changed my behaviour.

However, hearing Gregg say that he prefers me as someone who asks for help has started to shift something inside me. It’s made me curious to what life could be like if I continued to ask for help and reach out to other people.

Melting the ice queen

Over the past months of pregnancy, I’ve become aware of what I’m capable of doing and what my limits are. I haven’t been weedy and weak – in fact, I’m bloody impressed with myself about how much normality and lack of change my life has had despite growing a human being. Ive continued to work full time, coach outside of work, stayed socially active and walked over an hour a day to get to and from work.

However, there has been a change and this has been how I’ve voiced to Gregg what I’ve needed from him.

There have been times when I’ve felt the brittle anger of my inner Ice Queen start to form because I’ve approached the edge of my limits. Whether it’s that I’ve wanted to go home early from a night out with friends or needed him to step up and take greater care of me around the house. Usually I would have bottled up my frustration or my anger but I’ve found myself instead voice what I’ve needed from him and have found that he has been receptive to my needs. And with this receptivity, my Ice Queen frostiness and anger have melted.

My neediness has enabled me to navigate through these different situations with Gregg by my side.

It’s nice to be needed

I know from my own experience that it’s nice to be needed by close friends. To know that you can bring a smile to their face or can lighten the load when they’re going through periods of difficulty. But I don’t think that I let myself need other people as much as I’d like…because I don’t want to be a burden or cause problems for others.

But I’ve seen Gregg step up and enjoy being needed by me – whether it’s me needing a cuddle from him, asking him to sort dinner out or rub my feet when the dreaded restless leg syndrome strikes as I’m trying to go to sleep.

Now that I think about it, I’ve seen myself start to reach out to other people and have relationships strengthen as a result. My sister, close friends, workplace colleagues.

Starting to allow myself to be needy has allowed others to enjoy being needed.

So I’m going to continue to explore being ok with my neediness to see where it takes me.

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