I’ve been back in Brighton now for coming up to 5 days and am getting into a rhythm with caring for my son, Jenson. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster ride, which I think is partly down to hormones and also normal as I find my stride in this new reality of motherhood.
Those of you who know me will be aware that I’m someone who likes to keep busy. In my final trimester of pregnancy, I was seeing three coaching clients, working full time, commuting 2 hours to and from work, seeing friends and completing my coaching qualification (I found out yesterday that I passed it – yay!). All alongside growing a human being.
You also may know that I was stretched too thin – I was aware that I was pushing beyond my energy resources and doing too much.
But still, it’s been (and is continuing to be) an adjustment to go from what felt like 110 miles an hour to an ambling speed, where my most pressing matters are:
- Does Jenson need another feed?
- Should I change his nappy?
- How can I get to my water from underneath a sleeping baby who I don’t want to wake up?
- Should I get changed out of my pjs today?
As a result of thing change in speed, I’ve felt a bit antsy, uncomfortable and inclined to swing from highs to lows. Again, I know this is normal (what with the hormones) but it’s also a result of not having a driving purpose for my days as I did before.
I feel terrible sharing this as I feel like raising this little nugget of joy and goodness – my perfect, tiny Jenson – should be enough for me.
And yet, it’s not.
Just because I’ve become a mother and am full of overwhelming love for him doesn’t mean that I’ve stopped being me. And so it’s ok to admit that I need some drive in my life. Something alongside being a parent.
It was my clever clogs sister, Chloe, who pointed this out to me when she said:
Maybe you can use this maternity leave time to not only care for and love Jenson but discover new passions or invest more in old ones for yourself. You know you thrive off purpose so it’s ok to put that into your life in a manageable way – can you blog more or take up something creative you can do at home?
So I’m toying with the idea of writing more on my website, contemplating how I can continue to work with coaching clients around Jensen’s schedule and am thinking each day of one thing that I can do for myself – whether it’s a DIY mini-project, writing to a friend or learning something new – to give some structure and purpose to my day.