I spoke to my husband today and told him that, for the first time in a long time, I felt the urge to overeat. To comfort eat.
It’s not surprising since I’ve recently gone through the biggest change in my life, my world has been turned upside down, I’m managing not only the needs of my own but that of a new human who I don’t understand and have lots of people visiting, which brings other dynamics to juggle.
I’m not trying to be ungrateful for all of this, I’m just being honest – it all just feels a bit overwhelming at times.
And in this moment, I felt a weight press on me and the only thing I knew would remove the weight was to force it down with food. Lots of food.
And then I realised that food wasn’t the only thing that would remove the weight of pressure bearing down on me. I knew I could remove it by reaching out.
And so I reached out and I told my husband I was feeling suffocated and was struggling. I shared the feelings I was having.
And as if by magic, the feelings went away. I suddenly didn’t have the urge to push my feelings down because I allowed myself to feel them. I listened to what was going on for me.
Not only did this help me in the moment but, knowing what was going on, my husband then was able to help me. He sat me down, got me a drink, gave me a cuddle and left me alone for a few hours of peace and alone time as I fed Jenson.
If only I had known so many years ago how little it takes to make this feeling go away – just acknowledging what’s going on for me and reaching out to someone I trust.
This new life as a parent is so wonderfully beautiful and impossibly difficult and I have a feeling that I’ll need to keep on reaching out over and over again.
And so that’s exactly what I’ll keep on doing.