I’m sat here at 4am next to a sleeping baby who was, until a few moments ago, wide awake and more wriggly than a sack of frogs. Now that he is sleeping I find myself unable to get back to sleep so thought I’d share my thoughts about the coaching that I’m going to invest in for myself over the next few months.
If you’ve read my blog before, you’ll know that I’m a coach and will also probably know that I’m really passionate about the power of coaching to help people make the changes they want in their life. And over the last few months I’ve become aware of some changes that I’d like to make for myself.
- Stopping the negative self-talk and self-berating when I don’t do something ‘perfectly’
- Getting some support as I go back to work and find myself stretched and pulled between wanting to be the best I can at work and doing my best for my son
- Finding kindness for myself as I find my way along this new journey of parenthood
For me the perfectionism is where I really want to make some progress and I can see it in all three statements above. I know that the high standards I hold myself to have meant that I’ve achieved a fair bit in life (cue Ms Perfectionism – “have you really achieved that much?! I mean, it’s not like you’re in a really high flying career or have done something really significant with your life”) and I’m not looking to get rid of my desire to strive. It’s such a big part of me that I don’t think I could change this even if I tried.
But I do think that I could be kinder to myself when things don’t turn out perfectly. I could learn to change what I measure my perfection against. I could expect myself to try my best in any given moment and knowing that this is enough.
I was struck by the blame I put on myself when I wrote about how Jenson put on such little weight over a three week period. I felt I should have done more but I know that I didn’t knowingly take actions that negatively impacted his weight gain and I know that I did my best in each and every given moment. I wasn’t perfect, but I did my best.
And I’m taken back to all the other occasions in my life where I’ve blamed myself for not doing enough – the development programme at work that had some hitches, a reflective session I ran with my previous employer which tanked, the coaching sessions I’ve done which didn’t go as well as I wanted, the Christmas presents I agonised over which weren’t the best.
I don’t want to live like this any more.
Yes, I want to strive, do my best, achieve greatness through my efforts. If it wasn’t for my strong drive:
- I wouldn’t have completed my professional HR qualifications alongside working full-time,
- I wouldn’t have become a coach in the year that I started a new job, had a hectic social life and was growing a baby,
- I wouldn’t find the energy or time to build my beautiful website alongside raising a baby,
- I wouldn’t have such big future plans, goals and dreams for myself
But there must be a kinder way to be with myself. A way that can bring greater ease into my life. A way that I can also role model for my son so he knows that his best is enough.
And that’s what I’m hoping to get from my coaching. I can’t wait to get started.