I promised myself that I would be honest on this website and so I’m going to write something that most parents will think (and many will say to their friends) but is not something I feel very comfortable sharing and putting out there on the Internet. But here we go…
I wish I could not be a parent for a day. No, that’s wrong. I wish someone would take care of Jenson and I could let go of all the responsibility of being a parent for just one day.
This wish comes from having spent 4+ hours on a coach ride with him from Da Lat to Nha Trang and, arriving at a paradise-like beach with plenty of bars and sun loungers but having my little man to jiggle around and keep happy. It also comes after a few days of him being extra clingy to me – perhaps due to a wonder week development (a wonder week is scientifically verified a period of time where a baby is leaping forward in their development – check it out!) or perhaps due to the upheaval of travelling that I’ve put him through. If Jenson isn’t attached to my breast, he’s been keen to be on me for most of the day and when he has been distracted by someone else and then sees me, he starts crying. Reminded that he wants to be with me.
I love my little baby to pieces. So much so that I feel I’m going to squish him to death sometimes with all the cuddles and kisses I give him. And I don’t regret choosing to have him one bit. As I sing to him, he is my sunshine, my greatest sunshine. But I sometimes miss being just a team of two with my husband. I miss having uninterrupted lie-ins, going for late night drinks with friends, being able to read a book on a journey, spending my time with no one to answer to but myself.
I wouldn’t change being a mother to Jenson for anything in the world. I know there will be a time where I can leave him with family or a babysitter. Heck, I know there will be a time where I’ll wish for him to want to spend time with me.
But just in this moment I wish I could pause time and have a bit of a break. And that’s ok.