Happy Sunday everyone! Life feels a little bit unordered as I’m staying in beautiful Wales (photo below!) and so I’m not really that sure what day of the week it is and am enjoying living life without constantly looking at the clock, preparing for the next day or squeezing in bits of time for Jenson, Gregg or myself alongside work and house stuff.
I thought I’d share with you today the three things I’ve committed to do over the coming months and years. It’s nice to share these commitments with you, dear friend, so that I’ve got a greater incentive to keep them up. I hope they’ll be good food for thought for you too!
Speak my truth
The first one is a commitment to speak my truth. Even when my voice shakes or I feel petrified at speaking up, I’ve committed to speaking up more about what I need or my thoughts about something. It’s led to some really interesting, wonderful results:
- Telling my dad that I was exhausted and needed his help when him and my mum came to stay. Instead of pretending to be superwoman and focusing on them having a lovely time with Jenson, I reached out and he supported me by coming over early when they stayed to hold Jenson while I could rest and just potter around for a bit.
- Saying to the people who we are staying in Wales with, who I don’t know very well, that I was going to have an hour tucked in bed, reading. Usually I would feel obliged to socialise, to check that everyone else is having a great time to the detriment of my own needs. It was lovely to have some time of rest and warmth in bed and no-one seemed to mind – it was my fear of what they’d think of me that was stopping me getting what I needed.
- Voicing to my manager about how I feel caught between my role and my status at work sometimes. Her response, that I should keep on going as I was, means that I feel more at ease day-to-day and less preoccupied by my fears of treading on her toes as I’m ‘below’ her but often work at a higher level.
- Speaking up about the direction of my role at work has led to some really interesting conversations about the future. It feels great to speak up and potentially be the creator of my own destiny.
Connect to my heart
Since I had the realisation that I struggle to love myself, I’ve been trying to connect more with my heart centre, where this message came from. I purposely want to quieten myself to listen to the wisdom of my heart more often and so I’ve committed to doing this regularly. I’ve got plenty of time to do this as I rock Jenson to sleep in the evening. All it takes is slowing my breathing and stilling the chattering of my mind so I can hear what my heart is telling me.
- That I am enough just as I am
- That all will be ok
- That I am worthy of love and acceptance
Words of love that nourish my soul.
I don’t know if I shared this with you, but I’ve also realised how much I give away my power to people. Not my power at work or at home that I have due to status as professional, wife, daughter or sister, but my internal power which is my anchor. The sort of power that you can feel in your stomach area that you use to stand strong and that you might muster before an interview or a situation where you need to bring it.
During a recent coaching session I realised how much I gave my power away and so I’ve committed to doing that less. Being less agreeable, apologising less (when there’s no reason for saying sorry), stopping myself from trading my power for others’ approval.
I’ll perhaps write about this more in the future, how I’m keeping my own power instead of giving it away.
So there you are – the things I’m currently committed to working on. I’m aware that these areas are long-term, stumble-and-get-back-up-again, tricky stuff. They’ve been with me for so long – giving away my power, ignoring my heart and staying quiet but it doesn’t mean that they have to be with me for the rest of my life.
So here I go, starting now and keen to see what the future brings.