I’ve been reflecting over the past few days about the blogging I’ve been doing. And quite honestly I’ve been worried that I’m turning you off me by writing about things that are tricky and hard for me.
I’ve been stumbling through motherhood, grappling with who I am in this new world which seems to be turned on its head. I’ve been questioning who I am, what my purpose is, whether I’m in the right place.
There have been moments of lightness – when I reflect on Jenson or how far I’ve come. But moreso there have been shadowy dark posts where I pour out my uncertainty to you as I tentatively take steps forward into who I could become.
And I fear that this is too much. That I am too much.
I worry that you will think I’m breaking (I’m not). I fear that you will think I’m getting things wrong (which is very plausible in this new territory of my own personal development where I feel lost most of the time!). I’m confronted with my messiness, and that makes me feel uncomfortable.
But as I write this and get all my fears out in the open, I remind myself that I primarily write this blog for myself. It’s a safe, beautiful space where I can reflect, digest, process and come to my own conclusions about my experience.
Don’t get me wrong, I do think about you. I hope that you will find something of use in my words. I hope that the things I write will resonate with you, dear friend, and perhaps give you a new perspective on life. I hope that, in me sharing my own journey, you might feel less alone on yours.
And so I’m not going to hold back. I’m going to keep things real and continue writing what needs to be written for my own good.
Sorry, not sorry 😜