I’ve come away on holiday for the first time by myself since being a mum. Despite feeling anxiety about leaving Jenson, I knew it was right to have time by myself.
I need it to be at my best.
And I’ve already had such breakthroughs and moments of clarity with the time I’ve had by myself.
I’ve started to read a brilliant book called Soulcraft which is enlightening and mirrors what’s going on for me in my life (here’s a few lines that inspired me):
“the wanderer must move beyond her dependence upon others and upon her social roles. She will no longer adopt, in whole or part, other’s identities or ways of belonging to the world. She will no longer sacrifice her one true life in order to make herself or others comfortable. She knows what she has to do. She must leave her old home and step out into the wild night of her life”.
Amidst the joy of this holiday, I’ve also been challenged by a difficult interaction with someone in my life. And while it isn’t spoiling my time away, I’ve been thinking about my reaction to what’s going on.
What I should do.
What might allow me to not sacrifice my one true life whilst also being kind to the other.
This morning, I did a meditation – it’s one with drums (and one that I’ve enjoyed lots recently). But as I laid there, listening to the rhythmic beats as I usually would, I was struck anew by all the sounds going on in the background of the track that I had never heard before.
The clinking and clanking of what sounded like someone eating cereal or stirring a cup of tea.
And as I laid there, I also heard the sounds of people around me. Others walking, talking, banging doors.
It reminded me that, whatever is happening on the surface, there’s always a cacophony of things going on beneath.
The interactions I have with others and with myself are layered with rich textures.
Assumptions made based on past experiences, hurt from other things going on that seep into interactions, illnesses colouring views.
And in knowing this, I’m able to be even more detached from the situation.
I’m able to step back and see that what is going on is impacted by a lot of stuff under the surface.
And while I knew this already, it was good to be reminded.
So the question remains, how do I react without sacrificing my one true life whilst acknowledging the complexities of the situation?
One to ponder on…
Thanks to Sara who supported me and bought me the coffee I enjoyed whilst writing this ❤️