Breathe

I’m coming to the end of my time here in Austin, Texas.

I’ve had such a wonderful break.

Having fun with my friend Nadine, eating great food, sleeping in, laughing, connecting, dreaming, swimming, meditating, reading.

Breathing.

And I find myself feeling so sad time is coming to an end.

I wrote in my last post about needing to bring balance my life.

And now that I’m so close to returning to my ‘regular’ life I see it’s not about balance.

It feels more vital than that.

It’s about needing to find space to breathe.

And grappling with the truth that in my current life I’m not able to fully breathe.

Not because I feel suffocated by my husband or my son.

Not because I dislike my job.

But because the pace of life is so quick.

And because life is so full.

And because I feel that my life is unsustainable as it is.

I know this deep in my bones.

Something needs to give.

I need to be able to breathe.

And this is what I feel is at the heart of my involvement with extinction rebellion.

Finding how we might have a more sustainable life as a society.

Moving from a life of consumption to a life of connection.

Because I believe that our western lives are unsustainable.

We work, work, work so we have money to eat more than we need and buy more than we need and to fill our lives with things that we don’t need – distractions, things that numb us, possessions that bring us a flurry of excitement at the time but quickly lose their relevance and importance in our life – a new dress, new notebook, new tattoo, new pair of shoes.

We follow the buzz to forget that we’re deeply disconnected from others, from nature and most importantly from ourselves.

And in doing so, we trample on others – those exploited to make the things we consume, the animals exploited, the world being ransacked for our immediate comfort.

But I don’t know where I can start.

Because it feels like such a huge shift to get to a different way of living.

And I don’t know how I can have a life that has more space to breathe when I have a young son who depends on me and brings such a closeness in his requirements of me.

I don’t know how I can slow down when I have a substantial mortgage to pay which requires a certain commitment.

I don’t know how to disentangle myself from a life structured around western consumption.

And I’m unsure how the things I love and feel so vital for me (like travel) fits into this new reality.

All I know is that I’m feeling the call to breathe more, to slow down more. And yet I don’t know what this could look like.

I don’t how I might be able to listen to this call when I’m back in the thick of my life.

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