Head, heart and gut

I’ve had a decision hanging over me over the past few weeks.

A decision about a course that I could be part of over an extended period of time.

Usually I would know what to do. I’d have a feeling or would know logically that it was the right or wrong thing to do for my life.

But this time it was different.

My head was ruling all my ponderings and wonderings.

I had so many questions going around my head. 

Should I do this course? Would it be good for me? Is the length of it too long? How would I afford it? Was it the right decision? What if I said ‘yes’ and it turned out to be the wrong decision? Would I disappoint others if I said ‘no’? Would I disappoint myself if I said ‘yes’? How would this fit into my duties of motherhood and being a wife and a daughter and a friend? How would this fit alongside work? Did I have enough leave for the course? What if I did this course and no longer fit in with where I am now? What if I didn’t do it and stayed stuck where I am?

So many questions! 

I felt so anxious about the answer because I didn’t know what to do and I always know what to do.

This was a new feeling to me.

And so I meditated on it and I sought a different perspective about what I should do.

And the message I got back is this:

“It’s okay to use your head to think logically about whether this is the right course for you. But don’t forget the other parts of you that need to inform your decision.

Your heart and your gut.

Listen to them.”

My friend Sarah has been an angel this weekend.

She has listened to me talk over again and again what I should do and has helped me to return to my heart and my intuition to find a balance in taking this decision.

I realised, with her help, that when I think from my heart and consider what this course could do for me, I want to do it. With uncertainty about where it would take me. With knowledge that this is a course that won’t serve me in my ‘career’. But not all things need to be purposeful to be right. And although I feel trepidation, it is a good trepidation of stepping into what might be possible.

My heart says yes despite the uncertainty.

I have listened to my intuition this weekend too. And when I’ve heard the voice of intuition, I’ve been met with an openness to this course. A big ‘yes’ inside me when I think of the excitement of uncertainty. The possibility that springs from something new and different and exciting.

And so I’ve decided to go for it. To enrol onto this course and see what that will bring.

Knowing that there are still questions and uncertainties but that’s okay. This uncertainty is a new experience for me, one I’m enjoying.

Not knowing.

I’m sharing this with you in case you have big decisions to make, dear friend, in the hope that you’ll not only listen to your logic, but also your heart and your gut.

They all have their wisdom to bring and can serve us in different ways as we make our way along the path of life.

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