I’ve spent a glorious week away on holiday in Wales and want to take a few minutes with you to reflect on what I’ve experienced during my time here.
I’d felt a bit apprehensive about this trip, having felt stretched beyond measure on previous visits here in the early years of motherhood and in need of a proper rest after the past four months of lockdown.
But despite having planned in time alone, I didn’t need to take any space by myself. I truly enjoyed everything that we did as a group – swimming, hiking, chilling, cooking – so much so that I felt out of sorts last night….a feeling I discovered to be a sadness of leaving this bliss, this reprieve from ‘normal’ life.
So here are my thoughts from this week.
I can see and feel how much I’ve changed over the past year.
Part of the joy this week was thanks to the company – people who had no expectations of me – and the love and care that they showed Jenson, my son, which gave me a bit more time alone.
However, a big part of the peace was down to me being ok just doing my thing. Not worrying about what others think, not taking on responsibility for the happiness of the people who were here with us, being ok stating what I wanted to do and not worrying about the opinions or needs of others.
I can see that I’ve grown to be ok in my skin. I’m grounded in myself.
And it feels good.
I also can see how my relationship with my body and exercise has changed too.
I went on two gorgeous long runs in my time away and went hiking with the group in Snowdonia.
But unlike before, what I loved about this exercise was the feeling of my muscles straining, my heart beating, my body feeling alive with the effort of movement.
Instead of running to be able to eat more or to offset over eating, I ran and hiked for the love of it.
Watching my thinking
I also witnessed my thinking a lot on this holiday. I was able to step back and inquire into unhelpful thoughts.
The few times that I worried about whether it was ok to be spending my time reading or going to bed at 10pm when everyone else was up until 2am, I was able to step back and ask myself what was going on. Why I was worrying about this.
Usually it was from fear of not fitting in, worry of what others were thinking about me, feeling tired and so more critical of myself.
And being able to witness my thoughts, I was able to not be swept up in these thoughts. I was able to challenge them and be more choiceful in my response.
So there are my thoughts from this perfect week away. I wish I had another week to go but will have to wait until next year…I wonder what will have changed in me by then.