I love stationary – yes, I’m that sort of person. If it’s something I’m going to use a lot for work and personal pondering, I’m not averse to spending £20+ on a lovely, pleasing book to write into.

It’s an especially joyful day when I have only a few more pages left and can go in search of a new one to have close at hand when my old one is full.

And yesterday afternoon, I was at the stage of needing to start a new one – happy days.

This morning, in a moment with nothing to do, I decided to spend a moment going through my old notebook, now battered and bruised, well thumbed-through and scribbled on – to transfer anything of use to the new one.

I’m so glad that I did this.

Because inside the cover page were notes I had written to myself about six months ago about the core values I want to have integral to my life and, based on Dare to Lead by Brené Brown, I’d also written reminders of the behaviours I exhibit when I’m not living in my core values.

They are:

Faithfulness

When I live in faith, I can be seen:

1. Choosing courage over comfort
2. Leaning into conflict – disagreements, asserting my views – with curiosity
3. Knowing it’s not my job to make others comfortable or to be liked

I was reminded that I know I’m not living in these values when I take decisions based on feeling like I’m too much (making myself small) or not enough (trying to get people to like me by what I do, not accepting myself for who I am) and unkind self-talk.

Growth

When I focus on growing, I keep an eye on:

1. Healthy striving – not wanting to be ‘the best’ but to be ‘my best’
2. Taking my own pace and direction with the areas I’m growing in
3. Leaning into my growing edge – doing what scares me

I know I’m not living in growth when I don’t speak up or stay curious for fear of being rejected, when I’m focusing on ‘being right’ not ‘getting it right’ and when I avoid the discomfort of not knowing or having the right answer.

I’ve got to say, things are quite tough at the moment – I’m in the middle of lots of things – work and home – which alone would be doable but together make me feel like I’m in a bit of a slog.

Sometimes feeling over my head, often feeling on the edge, ready to snap.

But revisiting these values reminds me that I’m on the right path – I’m choosing courage over comfort. I’m spotting the unkind self-talk I can get into when I’m not feeling safe. I’m leaning into a heck of a lot that scares me and I’m learning to say ‘help! I don’t know how to do this’ more than ever before.

I’m also cheered on by these words, tugged onto the right path in reading how I want to stay curious in conflict – how might I do this? I’m reminded that I don’t have to worry about being liked or belonging by giving people what I think they want – I hear a still small voice say ‘I’m enough as I am’.